Humor: Haircut

One Monday, a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later on Tuesday, a cop came in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later on Wednesday, a college professor came in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How To Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'

Then on Thursday, a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay the bill the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress that we elected.

[Undocumented email that has been around for a while]


First published there at TheRightJack on 5/10/09

Social Security

Red Ink Thot: Boycott Social Security. Stop paying into a Big Gov retirement system that cannot not and will not pay back those who have contributed. 2/17/12

2036 or sooner? Social Security may be dying faster than expected. [moneynews.com] 2/17/12 

News flash: Social Security IS broken and it is broke.

Coming Year 2012


Alternative way to fix social security. 1:40 you tube video. Not a bad idea starting with the under 55 age groups.

2017. Social Security disability on verge of insolvency. [AP and Yahoo]

Repeat after me. Democrats have been the Party that does not want to touch anything related to Social Security. Every time Republicans suggest ways to fix it, Democrats scream, cry and run the other way. THEY shout: Republicans want to take away your Social Security. But ... It is the GOP that is trying to fix it. Wake up.

Social Security payments and 2037, the year of default.

Left wingers are still basing their 2012 campaign strategy on the worn out political dogma that Republicans want to eliminate Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. Consider the well publicized fact that Congress has “borrowed” money from our Social Security accounts for decades and left us with IOUs. Add to that … Democrats want to give Social Security and other benefits to millions of illegals who have not paid a cent into the system we funded. Obviously, these programs are going broke and will go broke sooner if all of these new “benefits” are given to those who have not paid into our system. Republicans want to fix the system. Democrats still refuse to consider any fixes, temporary or permanent. So, who is standing in the way of fixing our future benefits that we paid for throughout our work life! Certainly not the GOP. =TheRightJack 8/14/11

Crisis 2037. Social Security is destined to die because Congress “borrowed” US Taxpayer dollars paid into it, without repaying their loan. This is exactly how Ponzi schemes operate. DOD is 2037 or sooner. Democrats continue to trash Republicans for addressing “our” problem. Democrats will not touch Social Security or even work on ways to fix it, until it is dead. Actually, Democrats have addressed the issue, in a manner of speaking, with the ObamaHealthCare death panels. Seniors who are left to die from the bureaucratic denial of medical treatment will reduce Social Security payouts. =TheRightJack 7/31/11

Coming Year 2010
2010 is an election year for 1/3 of the senate and 1/2 of the house of representatives. It would be nice if congress got the message; the voting taxpayers are in charge now.

Social Security 2009

A note from the sender: LET US SHOW OUR LEADERS IN WASHINGTON "PEOPLE POWER" AND THE POWER OF THE INTERNET. PLEASE FORWARD TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU ARE REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT! KEEP IT GOING!!!!

Propose this in 2009:

START A MOVEMENT TO PLACE ALL POLITICIANS ON SOCIAL SECURITY

SOCIAL SECURITY: (This is worth reading. It is short and to the point.)

Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years. Our Senators and Congresswomen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it.

You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt they should have a special plan for themselves. So, many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan. In recent years, no congress person has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan.

For all practical purposes their plan works like this:

When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die.

Except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments.

For example, Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7, 800,000.00 (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275, 000.00 during the last years of their lives.

This is calculated on an average life span for each of those Dignitaries.

Younger Dignitaries who retire at an early age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives.

Their cost for this excellent plan to them is $0.00. NADA!!! ZILCH!!!

This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds;

"OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK"!

From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into, every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our employer), We can expect to get an average of $1,000 per month after retirement.

Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator Bill Bradley's benefits!

Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made. That change would be to: Jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us. Then sit back ... And see how fast they would fix it!

If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of awareness will be planted and maybe good changes will evolve.

How many people can YOU send this to? Better yet ... How many people WILL you send this to?
:

The College of Really Hard Knocks by TheRightJack

Our Public Schools

Are Obama, the Democrats and unionized Teachers really putting our public school students between a rock and a hard place? 

There has been an ongoing effort for decades to dumb down the school curriculum and what is considered “passing grades.” Passing grades may be more accurately regarded as good scholastic “performance.” This pressure to pass lower and lower performing students on to the next level continues even more strongly today than in the past. In reality, our public schools are producing a host of functionally illiterate graduates who can barely read, write, perform basic math such as long division and percentages or find their neighboring state on a map. 

Many of our students know next to nothing.

As a former teacher, I find it very difficult to understand why a political party would push for this. It certainly does not benefit students. So, who benefits from naïve, uninformed and ill-educated students, many of whom are graduated from high school. The beneficiary has to be the Democrat Party. 

They are creating generations of followers, not leaders.

In doing this, Democrats are creating an ever increasing “knowledge gap” between public and private school students. How can dropouts and graduates get jobs and eventually develop businesses when they do not know the basic skills of life. For Democrats, there is no need to know that stuff. Big Dem Gov will help them get by [at a subsistence level of dependence] as long as they vote for Big Dem Gov. That is the bottom line. 

This knowledge gap is the foundation for the job gap, the income gap, the creativity gap and the wealth gap. =TheRightJack on 2/13/12

Humor: Poker Club

THE ITALIAN POKER CLUB

Six retired Italian Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Guido loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.

At the end of the game, Giovanni looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell his wife?"

They cut the cards. Pasquale picks the low card and has to carry the news.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me!"

So, Pasquale goes over to the Guido's condo and knocks on the door.

The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants? Pasquale declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Pasquale.

Jewish view on Catholics

Jewish view on Catholics

Life isn't tied with a bow,but it's still a gift.
Jewish Sam Miller on Catholics

Excerpts of an article written by non-Catholic Sam Miller - a prominent Cleveland Jewish businessman:

"Why would newspapers carry on a vendetta on one of the most important institutions that we have today in the United States, namely the Catholic Church?

Do you know - the Catholic Church educates 2.6 million students everyday at the cost to that Church of 10 billion dollars, and a savings on the other hand to the American taxpayer of 18 billion dollars. The graduates go on to graduate studies at the rate of 92%.

The Church has 230 colleges and universities in the U.S. with an enrollment of 700,000 students.

The Catholic Church has a non-profit hospital system of 637 hospitals, which account for hospital treatment of 1 out of every 5 people - not just Catholics - in the United States today

But the press is vindictive and trying to totally denigrate in every way the Catholic Church in this country. They have blamed the disease of pedophilia on the Catholic Church, which is as irresponsible as blaming adultery on the institution of marriage.

Let me give you some figures that Catholics should know and remember. For example, 12% of the 300 Protestant clergy surveyed admitted to sexual intercourse with a parishioner; 38% acknowledged other inappropriate sexual contact in a study by the United Methodist Church, 41.8% of clergy women reported unwanted sexual behavior; 17% of laywomen have been sexually harassed.

Meanwhile, 1.7% of the Catholic clergy has been found guilty of pedophilia. 10% of the Protestant ministers have been found guilty of pedophilia. This is not a Catholic Problem.

A study of American priests showed that most are happy in the priesthood and find it even better than they had expected, and that most, if given the choice, would choose to be priests again in face of all this obnoxious PR the church has been receiving.

The Catholic Church is bleeding from self-inflicted wounds. The agony that Catholics have felt and suffered is not necessarily the fault of the Church. You have been hurt by a small number of wayward priests that have probably been totally weeded out by now.

Walk with your shoulders high and you head higher. Be a proud member of the most important non-governmental agency in the United States.

Then remember what Jeremiah said: 'Stand by the roads, and look and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is and walk in it, and find rest for your souls'. Be proud to speak up for your faith with pride and reverence and learn what your Church does for all other religions.

Be proud that you're a Catholic."

Drugs Kill

Drugs and Hard Lessons

Health Lesson to be Learned ... a reminder from Whitney Houston

Just Say No to DAT [Drugs. Alcohol. Tobacco]

Whitney Houston. Amy Winehouse. Heath Ledger. Chris Farley. Michael Jackson. River Phoenix. Corey Haim. Elvis Presley. Jimi Hendrix. Janis Joplin. John Beluchi. Bob Crane. Anna Nichole Smith. Kurt Cobain. Len Bias. Judy Garland. Marilyn Monroe. Jim Morrison. Sid Vicous and countless more.

Start here to see who's who.

See videos.

200+ names

Humor: Medicare

MEDICARE COVERAGE IN A NUTSHELL

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.' 

'Mrs. Sanders, please.' 'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'

That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'


Ba dum dum!

Alzheimer's Test

Large Print Version

If you are over 45 yrs old, you MUST take this Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _ _NDOM


2. F_ _K


3. P_N_S


4. PU_S_


5. S_X


6. BOO_S


| | | | |

| | | | | | | | | |

| | | | |

Answers:

1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong, didn't you?

You do NOT have Alzheimer's

You are a Pervert!!

Fair Tax

The Fair Tax, with $20 million in research behind it

Fair Tax. Every Democrat who ran against the Fair Tax in the previous election, LOST. Heard on the Neil Boortz radio show on 1/18/12. Not verified.

FT FT FT

Fair Tax Flap:

The Herman Cain 9-9-9 plan. Critics like Bachmann see it as another tax stream for Congress that will never go away and likely to go up and up. Hard to disagree with that reasoning.

A solution: No more tax increases until the “specific tax bill” is put to a vote in a general election every two or four years. Of course, Congress has to agree to abide by this without conditions.

FT FT FT

Fair Tax. Bob Beckel, big time partisan Democrat, favors a flat tax and admitted that he did not know of the Fair Tax. When asked about it, he said: What is that? On Hannity Special from Atlanta. 10/7/11

The Fair Tax must be a very good idea if insiders “in the know” like Beckel are willing to say in public that they have never heard of it. Ditto other Democrat and Republican Senators when asked about the Fair Tax. Democrats in particular do not want to give away their ability to dole out US Taxpayer money for favors and votes, and that is what the Fair Tax would accomplish. The Fair Tax is worth implementing for that reason alone.

FT FT FT

Here is how you disparage the Fair Tax. Form a tax study commission as did Bush 43. Rewrite certain elements of the original Fair Tax. Add in some exemptions and other giveaways. Then determine that the Fair Tax will need to be set at around 34% to make it work, not 23%. At 23% …

• It will not be high enough to cover massive government spending

• Lower income groups will pay less in taxes than they currently pay

• There will be no money for our Legislators to spread around to buy votes and influence

This Fair Tax eye-opener is summarized from a radio conversation on the Neil Boortz radio show on 5/24/11 Boortz Knows.

How The Fair Tax Works:

• Enables workers to keep their entire paychecks
• Enables retirees to keep their entire pensions

• Refunds in advance the tax on purchases of basic necessities
• Allows American products to compete fairly

• Brings transparency and accountability to tax policy
• Ensures Social Security and Medicare funding

• Closes all loopholes and brings fairness to taxation
• Abolishes the IRS

Click Here to go to The Fair Tax.

FT FT FT

Notes from TheRightJack: Our [trusted?] members of Congress, as a rule, do not like The Fair Tax. It takes away their power to bring home the bacon with which they use to bribe their local electorate. Some members of Congress describe The Fair Tax as an added tax on top of the existing taxes. Wrong! Others just do not have a clue how it works. Those who favor The Fair Tax has said that IF we were starting over and took our current US tax code to Congress for adoption, it would get voted down in a heart beat.

Humor: Noah and the Ark, IF Illinois

What if Noah Tried to Build the Ark in Illinois?
January 8, 2012 by Dan Mitchell

I keep getting requests to reprint this joke. And since we’ve been mocking Illinois in recent days, I’m reprinting the joke with a slight modification.

===============================

... And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:

“In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed, but I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.”

In a flash of lightning God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark.

Remember,” said the Lord: “You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year.”

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping

“Noah,” He shouted

“Where is the Ark?”

“Lord, please forgive me,” cried Noah. “I did my best, but there were big problems: First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the Chicago codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.

Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the Chicago planning commission. Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl…and finally convinced the U. S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won’t let me catch any owls, so, no owls.” The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard.

Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn’t take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe. Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain…. I sent them a globe.

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard. The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I’m building the Ark in preparation to flee the country and not pay taxes. I just got a notice from the state of Illinois that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a “recreational water craft.” And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it’s a religious event, and, therefore, UNCONSTITUTIONAL. I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years.”

Noah waited…

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.

“You mean you’re not going to destroy the earth, Lord?”

“No,” He said sadly.”

“I don’t have to. The government already has.”