Humor - Reality Check: A Woman's Life

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, 

"Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night.

Now, I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems

Reality Check: Food for Thought

When Democrats are in Charge

By Junius P. Long

  

If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

If the only school curriculum allowed to explain how we got here is evolution, but the government stops a $15 million construction project to keep a rare spider from evolving to extinction ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

If you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor or check out a library book, but not to vote who runs the government ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines with more than ten rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

If, in the largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not a 24-ounce soda because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

If an 80-year-old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a woman in a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

If a seven year old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher "cute," but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

If children are forcibly removed from parents who discipline them with spankings while children of addicts are left in filth and drug infested “homes”... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government intrusion, while not working is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing and free cell phones ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

If the government's plan for getting people back to work is to incentivize NOT working with 99 weeks of unemployment checks and no requirement to prove they applied but can’t find work ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.  

If being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you more "safe" according to the government ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

Reality Check: Operator

HELLO, OPERATOR

Another chapter of "They walk among us, reproduce and vote"

Actual call center conversations!

Customer:     'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through. Can you help?'

Operator:      'Where did you get that number, sir?'

Customer:     'It's on the front door of your business.'

Operator:     'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'

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Samsung Electronics

Caller:          'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator:     'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'

Caller:          'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

Operator:      'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

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RAC Motoring Services

Caller:         'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?'

Operator:     'Does the policy name give you a clue?'

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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )

'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?' 

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Directory Enquiries

Caller:  'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'

Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.' 

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator:        'Woven? Are you sure?'

Caller:             'Yes.. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ...'

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

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Tech Support:      'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'

Customer:             'OK..'

Tech Support:      'Did you get a pop-up menu?'

Customer:             'No.'

Tech Support:      'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer:             'No.'

Tech Support:      'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'

Customer:            'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.' 

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Tech Support:      'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer:             'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'

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Caller:  'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'

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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department..............

Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?

Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator:         'What sort of trouble?'

Caller:              'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator:         'Went away?'

Caller:              'They disappeared'

Operator:         'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller:              'Nothing.'

Operator:         'Nothing??'

Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator:         'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

Caller:              'How do I tell?'

Operator:        'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'

Caller:              'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator:         'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller:              'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type..'

Operator:         'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'

Caller:              'What's a monitor?'

Operator:         'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'

Caller:               'I don't know.'

Operator:          'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller:              'Yes, I think so.'

Opera tor:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall..

Caller:              'Yes, it is.'

Operator:         'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '

Caller:               'No.'

Operator:          'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'

Caller:               'Okay, here it is.'

Operator:          'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer..'

Caller:               'I can't reach.'

Operator:          'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'

Caller:               'No...'

Operator:          'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'

Caller:               'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'

Operator:          'Dark?'

Caller:               'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'

Operator:          'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller:               'I can't..'

Operator:          'No? Why not?'

Caller:              'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator:           'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'

Caller:                'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..'

Operator:           'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller:                'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator:           'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller:                'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'

Operator:           'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'

Source: Email passes on and on and on.