Olympic History Lesson

Did you know this?

A slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece.

In those days, the athletes performed naked.

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.

At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked magnificent males marching toward her and she exclaimed:

"OH!! Limp pricks!"

Over the next two and a half millenniums, those words morphed into " Olympics".

Just thought I'd share this new found knowledge with you.

You're very welcome...

That is our history lesson for the day

Elevator humor

This morning I was beaten up by a rather full-figured woman in the elevator.

I was staring at her boobs when she said press one.

So I did.

I don’t remember much after that.

Best dog joke

Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, "Harry, I have a plan to win back Middle America in 2014!"

"Great Nancy, but how?" asked Harry.

"We'll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador retriever. Then, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there."

So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Bozeman, Montana. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.

The Bartender took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?"

"Yes we are!" said Nancy, "And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color."

They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar.

For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads.

Finally, Nancy asked, "Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?"

"Lord no," said the bartender. "Someone's out there running around town, claiming there's a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!"

Welfare is now #1 occupation in US

Build it and they will come!

Warning Sign Posted: Please do not feed squirrels. Feeding makes squirrels dependent on humans and increases their population so that pest control may be needed. Help the squirrels by not feeding them. - - - The City of San Diego [facebook.com] undated
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Might want to think twice about this. 1/10/14

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Clips from MARYLAND TAXPAYERS ASSOCIATION

Upcoming Event: Nov 18, 10 am-12 noon, Board of Education, 200 W. Baltimore St, statewide protest march demanding local control of education and questioning top down, dumbing down of education with the new common core system being imposed by both federal and state governments. This is American Education Week when parents are invited to schools.

Note: 2008 was the start of recession and our economy is struggling. You would think that instead of continuing to copy Great Depression policies of higher taxes, regulations and bigger government spending, politicians would change to opposite policies of lower taxes and less spending and regulation to spur job creation and improve living standards across the board. Below is a mind-numbing set of grim statistics.

Investors Business Daily, Oct 25, 2013

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Welfare, Not Full-Time Work, Is Now America's No. 1 Occupation

Dependency: "Is Welfare The New Normal?" we wondered in an editorial last Thursday, and we didn't have long to wait for an answer. On Friday an answer came back in depressing new data from the Census Bureau.

CNSNews.com's indefatigable data hound, Terence P. Jeffrey, dug into a few routine Census releases recently and discovered something shocking:

More people in America today are on welfare than have full-time jobs.
No, that's not a misprint. At the end of 2011, the last year for which data are available, some 108.6 million people received one or more means-tested government benefit programs — bureaucratese for welfare.

Meanwhile, there were just 101.7 million people with full-time jobs, the Census data show, including both the private and government sectors.

This is a real danger for the U.S. — the danger of dependency. Anytime more people are being paid not to work than to work, it imperils our democracy. No one votes to cut his own welfare benefits. So welfare grows.

In recent years, the welfare state has expanded to create an all-encompassing security blanket to protect Americans from all vagaries of economic life. For everything from losing a job to having trouble paying the rent, there's now a welfare program for it.

Those who say the poor deserve such largess will find no argument here.

Sometimes people have such dire need that a helping hand may be necessary, if only for a limited period of time. But this goes way beyond that.

According to official data from the government, 46.5 million people live in poverty in the U.S. Doing the quick math, that means just 43% of all those on welfare are officially considered poor.

When you add in other government programs with a check attached — Social Security, Medicare, veterans benefits, unemployment and other non-means-tested benefits — you find a whopping 151 million Americans get a check from the government other than an income-tax refund. That's over half our population, folks.

A Cato Institute study in August found that welfare now pays more than minimum-wage work in 35 states. Indeed, the federal government has 126 separate programs to help low-income earners.

"The current welfare system provides such a high level of benefits that it acts as a disincentive for work," the study said. "Welfare currently pays more than a minimum-wage job in 35 states, even after accounting for the Earned Income Tax Credit, and in 13 states it pays more than $15 per hour."

Given all the disincentives, it seems as if the government doesn't even want people to work. But why would that be?

Perhaps it's in the interest of those on the so-called progressives — those most responsible for the uncontrolled growth of the welfare state — to keep Americans out of work and dependent on government.

Sure looks that way. After all, for Democrats, dependent voters are reliable voters.

In recent years, government at all levels has hogged more than 40% of national income, an all-time high. This means the private sector — source of innovation, productivity and wealth — has never been smaller as a share of GDP.

This is a big reason why the government keeps issuing what Wall Street calls "unexpectedly weak" jobs reports. That there are as many as 31 million people, according to IBD/TIPP Poll data, who want to work full-time but can't find a job is a disgrace.

This United States of Welfare isn't the fault of the financial crisis or the Tea Party or President Bush. Nor are Americans lazy.

It's the fault of big-spending Keynesian policies put in place under President Obama that punish entrepreneurs, overregulate the economy, and hit small business with new taxes and uncertainty at a time when growth should be robust.

Workers without jobs turn to big government. Sadly, America, land of the free, has become America, land of the dependent.

Source: Undocumented email from a friend on 11/1/13

Women

1. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry her!

2. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

3. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

4. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

5. Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.

6. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

7. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.

8. Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

9. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

10. Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

11. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

12. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

13. Why do men die before their wives?
Because they want to.

Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who don't own a gun.

Quote of the Day from Ben Stein