Humor: Poker Club

THE ITALIAN POKER CLUB

Six retired Italian Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Guido loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.

At the end of the game, Giovanni looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell his wife?"

They cut the cards. Pasquale picks the low card and has to carry the news.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me!"

So, Pasquale goes over to the Guido's condo and knocks on the door.

The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants? Pasquale declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Pasquale.

Jewish view on Catholics

Jewish view on Catholics

Life isn't tied with a bow,but it's still a gift.
Jewish Sam Miller on Catholics

Excerpts of an article written by non-Catholic Sam Miller - a prominent Cleveland Jewish businessman:

"Why would newspapers carry on a vendetta on one of the most important institutions that we have today in the United States, namely the Catholic Church?

Do you know - the Catholic Church educates 2.6 million students everyday at the cost to that Church of 10 billion dollars, and a savings on the other hand to the American taxpayer of 18 billion dollars. The graduates go on to graduate studies at the rate of 92%.

The Church has 230 colleges and universities in the U.S. with an enrollment of 700,000 students.

The Catholic Church has a non-profit hospital system of 637 hospitals, which account for hospital treatment of 1 out of every 5 people - not just Catholics - in the United States today

But the press is vindictive and trying to totally denigrate in every way the Catholic Church in this country. They have blamed the disease of pedophilia on the Catholic Church, which is as irresponsible as blaming adultery on the institution of marriage.

Let me give you some figures that Catholics should know and remember. For example, 12% of the 300 Protestant clergy surveyed admitted to sexual intercourse with a parishioner; 38% acknowledged other inappropriate sexual contact in a study by the United Methodist Church, 41.8% of clergy women reported unwanted sexual behavior; 17% of laywomen have been sexually harassed.

Meanwhile, 1.7% of the Catholic clergy has been found guilty of pedophilia. 10% of the Protestant ministers have been found guilty of pedophilia. This is not a Catholic Problem.

A study of American priests showed that most are happy in the priesthood and find it even better than they had expected, and that most, if given the choice, would choose to be priests again in face of all this obnoxious PR the church has been receiving.

The Catholic Church is bleeding from self-inflicted wounds. The agony that Catholics have felt and suffered is not necessarily the fault of the Church. You have been hurt by a small number of wayward priests that have probably been totally weeded out by now.

Walk with your shoulders high and you head higher. Be a proud member of the most important non-governmental agency in the United States.

Then remember what Jeremiah said: 'Stand by the roads, and look and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is and walk in it, and find rest for your souls'. Be proud to speak up for your faith with pride and reverence and learn what your Church does for all other religions.

Be proud that you're a Catholic."

Drugs Kill

Drugs and Hard Lessons

Health Lesson to be Learned ... a reminder from Whitney Houston

Just Say No to DAT [Drugs. Alcohol. Tobacco]

Whitney Houston. Amy Winehouse. Heath Ledger. Chris Farley. Michael Jackson. River Phoenix. Corey Haim. Elvis Presley. Jimi Hendrix. Janis Joplin. John Beluchi. Bob Crane. Anna Nichole Smith. Kurt Cobain. Len Bias. Judy Garland. Marilyn Monroe. Jim Morrison. Sid Vicous and countless more.

Start here to see who's who.

See videos.

200+ names

Humor: Medicare

MEDICARE COVERAGE IN A NUTSHELL

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.' 

'Mrs. Sanders, please.' 'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'

That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'


Ba dum dum!

Alzheimer's Test

Large Print Version

If you are over 45 yrs old, you MUST take this Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _ _NDOM


2. F_ _K


3. P_N_S


4. PU_S_


5. S_X


6. BOO_S


| | | | |

| | | | | | | | | |

| | | | |

Answers:

1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong, didn't you?

You do NOT have Alzheimer's

You are a Pervert!!

Fair Tax

The Fair Tax, with $20 million in research behind it

Fair Tax. Every Democrat who ran against the Fair Tax in the previous election, LOST. Heard on the Neil Boortz radio show on 1/18/12. Not verified.

FT FT FT

Fair Tax Flap:

The Herman Cain 9-9-9 plan. Critics like Bachmann see it as another tax stream for Congress that will never go away and likely to go up and up. Hard to disagree with that reasoning.

A solution: No more tax increases until the “specific tax bill” is put to a vote in a general election every two or four years. Of course, Congress has to agree to abide by this without conditions.

FT FT FT

Fair Tax. Bob Beckel, big time partisan Democrat, favors a flat tax and admitted that he did not know of the Fair Tax. When asked about it, he said: What is that? On Hannity Special from Atlanta. 10/7/11

The Fair Tax must be a very good idea if insiders “in the know” like Beckel are willing to say in public that they have never heard of it. Ditto other Democrat and Republican Senators when asked about the Fair Tax. Democrats in particular do not want to give away their ability to dole out US Taxpayer money for favors and votes, and that is what the Fair Tax would accomplish. The Fair Tax is worth implementing for that reason alone.

FT FT FT

Here is how you disparage the Fair Tax. Form a tax study commission as did Bush 43. Rewrite certain elements of the original Fair Tax. Add in some exemptions and other giveaways. Then determine that the Fair Tax will need to be set at around 34% to make it work, not 23%. At 23% …

• It will not be high enough to cover massive government spending

• Lower income groups will pay less in taxes than they currently pay

• There will be no money for our Legislators to spread around to buy votes and influence

This Fair Tax eye-opener is summarized from a radio conversation on the Neil Boortz radio show on 5/24/11 Boortz Knows.

How The Fair Tax Works:

• Enables workers to keep their entire paychecks
• Enables retirees to keep their entire pensions

• Refunds in advance the tax on purchases of basic necessities
• Allows American products to compete fairly

• Brings transparency and accountability to tax policy
• Ensures Social Security and Medicare funding

• Closes all loopholes and brings fairness to taxation
• Abolishes the IRS

Click Here to go to The Fair Tax.

FT FT FT

Notes from TheRightJack: Our [trusted?] members of Congress, as a rule, do not like The Fair Tax. It takes away their power to bring home the bacon with which they use to bribe their local electorate. Some members of Congress describe The Fair Tax as an added tax on top of the existing taxes. Wrong! Others just do not have a clue how it works. Those who favor The Fair Tax has said that IF we were starting over and took our current US tax code to Congress for adoption, it would get voted down in a heart beat.

Humor: Noah and the Ark, IF Illinois

What if Noah Tried to Build the Ark in Illinois?
January 8, 2012 by Dan Mitchell

I keep getting requests to reprint this joke. And since we’ve been mocking Illinois in recent days, I’m reprinting the joke with a slight modification.

===============================

... And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:

“In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed, but I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.”

In a flash of lightning God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark.

Remember,” said the Lord: “You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year.”

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping

“Noah,” He shouted

“Where is the Ark?”

“Lord, please forgive me,” cried Noah. “I did my best, but there were big problems: First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the Chicago codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.

Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the Chicago planning commission. Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl…and finally convinced the U. S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won’t let me catch any owls, so, no owls.” The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard.

Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn’t take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe. Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain…. I sent them a globe.

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard. The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I’m building the Ark in preparation to flee the country and not pay taxes. I just got a notice from the state of Illinois that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a “recreational water craft.” And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it’s a religious event, and, therefore, UNCONSTITUTIONAL. I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years.”

Noah waited…

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.

“You mean you’re not going to destroy the earth, Lord?”

“No,” He said sadly.”

“I don’t have to. The government already has.”