Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable with whom to have dinner.
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Love is grand. Divorce is several hundred grand.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.... They should both be changed regularly -- and for the same reason.
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Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
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I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once, the seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice - well . . . it really chilled her mood.
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It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
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A coed said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid."
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My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will.
A coed said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid."
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My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will.
He said, "Will!? What will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite."
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Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton teamed up with Jim Baker, and Jimmy Swaggert to write an impressive new book ... It's called: "Ministers Do More Than Lay People"
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