Humor: Chuck Norris Sayings

Chuck Norris Facts

Actually, what President FDR really said was: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself ... and Chuck Norris."

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Before the Boogeyman gets in bed at night, first he checks his closet to see if Chuck Norris is hiding in it.

Chuch Norris is so strong that he can sneeze and keep his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg

Once a rattlesnake made the mistake of biting Chuck Norris' leg. After seven days of excruciating pain, the rattlesnake died.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

There are only two certainties in life, Chuck Norris and death, in that order.

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language

"Journey to the Center of the Earth" was actually created by Chuck Norris while digging a hole for a pool.

When Chuck Norris recycles paper, it turns back into a tree.

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

Chuck Norris once donated blood to a man. That man is now known as Superman.

Chuck Norris doesn't lie. Whatever he says simply becomes the truth.

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

The Universe is just one of Chuck Norris' marbles

Chuck Norris scares the needle out of hay stacks.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris. The cop was lucky to leave with just a warning.

Chuck Norris wins NASCAR races with all right turns.

Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards

Chuck Norris once had his own toilet paper brand. It was taken off the market because it wouldn't take crap from anybody.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

When Chuck Norris rides into the sunset, the sun is actually running from him.

Did you know Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars ... he was the force.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.

Chuck Norris does not have a middle name, nobody gets between Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can speak French in Russian.

Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke ... that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

Once, Chuck Norris starved his dinner to death.

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. Chuck Norris was the first man to walk on the sun.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them.

Chuck Norris doesn't have an ESC key on his computer, no one ever escapes.

Chuck Norris doesn't breath ... air runs into his lungs for safety.

Chuck Norris doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

What's the last thing that goes through your mind when you fight Chuck Norris? ... His foot.

Chuck Norris finished the Never Ending Story.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris once had a boomerang. It was way too scared to come back.

Chuck Norris doesn't make a splash when he jumps in the water, the water is just getting out of his way.

King Kong climbed the Empire State Building because Chuck Norris was waiting at the bottom

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

Fire stops drops and rolls when it catches Chuck Norris

Chuck norris once gave a box of his old watches to a group of kids. These kids are now known as the power rangers

Chuck Norris can speak Brail, and hear Sign Language.

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