Paraprosdokians

PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
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2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
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3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
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5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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8. They begin the evening news with "Good Evening," then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
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9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
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10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
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11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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12. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."
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13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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15. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
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16. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
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17. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
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18. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
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19. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
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20. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
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21. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
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22. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
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23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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24. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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25. Going to church does not make you a Christian any more that driving a car makes you a mechanic.

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26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.