1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your rear end with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean.”
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You cannot think of anyone you have not declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
10. There are no longer any young children in your family who can walk yet to recruit as suicide bombers.
11. You believe in the goodness of your god but will gladly kill your wife and daughters if they want to go to school.
12. You abstain from alcohol at home but down it like a drunken sailor when out of the country.
13. You have always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
Note: There must be elements of truth for humor to be effective. This was received as an undocumented and undated email.
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