From Craig Ferguson:
The CIA is going through the stuff they found in Osama bin Laden’s compound, including a diary. I didn’t know he had a diary. That is so sweet.
Osama bin Laden’s death has been in the news all day. Leftish stations are going, "President Obama saves the world." Stations on the right are going, ‘Obama kills fellow Muslim.’
From Conan:
Al-Qaida has not yet picked a new leader to run their terrorist organization. Apparently, candidates keep losing interest after asking, “What happened to the last guy?”
Dick Cheney says he gives Obama high marks on getting bin Laden. He said, “Trust me, I know how hard it is to shoot someone in the face.”
From Jay Leno:
Apparently, Pakistan has given the United States permission to interview bin Laden’s wives, as long as we promise not to turn it into a reality show.
President Obama said that watching the raid on Osama bin Laden was the longest 40 minutes of his life. Mind you, that’s coming from a guy that has to listen to Joe Biden.
From Jimmy Fallon:
Osama bin Laden was killed by Navy Seals yesterday. They did DNA testing to make sure it was Bin Laden. Or as I call it, best episode of Maury Povich EVER.
From David Letterman:
The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden they’ve granted President Obama full citizenship.
Or is it Usama bin Laden? Whatever, at least he doesn’t have 112 different ways of spelling his name, like the dirtbag from Libya.
Anyhow, lots of people really liked the previous post with bin Laden jokes, so I’m responding to market demand with more jokes about Osama.
From Jay Leno:
President Obama has done something that no one else has been able to do. He got Donald Trump to shut up.
Apparently, Osama bin Laden was killed with money and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. So we got him right before he left for summer camp.
Bin Laden was buried at sea. Or as Dick Cheney calls it, “the ultimate waterboarding.”
They say bin Laden lived in his compound with nine women and 23 children. I’m surprised the guy didn’t shoot himself in the head.
From Conan:
Trump said that he hoped bin Laden suffered a lot. It looks like he got his wish, because the CIA said bin Laden spent his last hour watching “Celebrity Apprentice.”
At the time of his death, bin Laden had sewn the equivalent of $740 into his clothing. Experts say his next plan was to launch a major attack, or to rent a one-bedroom apartment in Chicago.
Marijuana plants were found near bin Laden’s compound, which explains why bin Laden’s last words were, “Dude . . . “
From David Letterman:
It was so nice in New York City today that Navy SEALs raided a Jamba Juice.
Osama bin Laden lived in a compound with all of his wives for the last few years. So I guess he did suffer.
From Jimmy Kimmel:
The CIA says bin Laden’s last words were, “Are you guys here about the dishwasher?”
From Jimmy Fallon:
Rush Limbaugh said yesterday that Obama never would have tracked down bin Laden if it weren’t for George W. Bush’s policies. Although in fairness, Obama never would have even been elected if it weren’t for George W. Bush’s policies.
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